A lot of couples break up the weeks before Christmas, I am not sure why , I expect it has something to do with the end of year reflection , where we start making plans to make the next year a better one , or for those that realize that maybe their significant other is not making them happy anymore, Or just two incompatible people saying goodbye …
One thing is for sure , when you are the one left behind to pick up the pieces of a broken heart around the festive period it can be extremely hard to feel the “happiness” and excitement that Christmas is meant to bring.
So how do you prepare to get yourself out of the gloom that is hanging over you and making you feel like scrooge , how do you pick up your smile when your lips are quivering , your hands are shaking and you are separated from the one you love ?
I can only reflect on my own experiences of being heartbroken at Christmas and the experiences of those that have shared their grief and disappointment with me over the years. If you have children it’s hard to hide how you are feeling , particularly when they will be extra hyper and full of excitement and all you want to do is hide yourself away.
Say YES to invitations , that’s right, say YES, as much as you really don’t want to go to the office Christmas party , force yourself to. Being around other people IS what you need.
Indulge yourself , have a makeover … if the purse strings are tight, look at your local beauty college / school. They offer cut price treatments and you will feel amazing. Pamper and make yourself look fabulous ( you may be a quivering mess inside , but outside you will feel better )
Get Help , launch yourself into fact finding ( if you have children ) , contact Gingerbread https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/ they have lots of useful information everything to do with being a single parent. Suddenly being alone with children can make you feel vulnerable, there are lots of resources out there that can help you.
At Christmas time there will be lots of alcohol available , try and limit the amount , or even better try and refrain, alcohol numbs the pain for a little while but plays havoc with your already running mind.
Speak to your employer let them know what is happening, its amazing how many people try and hide their relationship breakdown from their employers in fear of looking like a failure or feel that it will make their position vulnerable. In truth, many employers are sympathetic these day’s to relationship breakdowns and should put in place some support for you.
What went Wrong ?
Before you can begin to heal you have to understand what went wrong in the relationship, putting the blame into the lap of the other person will not help you learn on how you could have done or handled things differently. Find an impartial listener a trusted friend or confidante that can help you analyse the part that you may have played in the demise of the relationship. None of us are perfect , and it takes two to make a relationship work, and sometimes people are not honest about what they want and not authentic with their actions. If you are the victim of infidelity I will be doing another blog post on that . Regardless of why the relationship ended, heartbreak at Christmas is on the increase.
If you want to make yourself feel worse stalk your Ex on social media , if you want to feel better , block them , this will help you resist the urge to check up on them… why make yourself feel worse than you already do ?
So block and delete … And make time to make new memories.