A house is not a home ... - Love Life Coach

When you have been divorced and you finally meet someone that you want to commit to , one of the biggest stumbling blocks are where are you going to live ? its a practical question and one that for many involves compromise.

I know many men in particular who have given up their homes to move in with a partner, sold up all of their belongings to start a new life with the one they love. Well I guess that shows commitment when they turn up with a few suitcases with their clothes in.

What these women don’t realise is in those suitcases are some highly charged emotions that eventually will surface. 

She just looks at it that he cares enough to move in with her, and all she had to do was empty a few cupboards and drawers to make some room for him, that showed her commitment. She didn’t have to pack any boxes and give up her home….

Everyone that “starts over” after divorce, all fear loss, fear that if they put everything into it and the relationship ends, they are left again to pick up the pieces.

So they go into relationships basically “keeping their options open”, but by keeping their options open, they are actually not living authentically, or vulnerably.

Men like to feel that they are coming home , and every man that I have met that have moved into their partners house , end up eventually feeling like a “spare part”  a lodger. And here is where the slow resentment starts and the loneliness of thought begins. So they make do , and live a very compromising life, and look at the benefits of not “living alone”. But life should not be like this , where people are afraid of real commitment and letting go of their past. Just because something happened to them before, does not mean it will happen again. 

Successful relationships are when both play fair, and there is “balance”  and no “control, or leaving options open by keeping a house as a back up plan , just in case ” There is no guarantees in any relationship , but there has to be trust that it will work .  

Being vulnerable is part of being in an authentic & healthy relationship 

I asked a man recently if he was happy now that he had moved in with his partner and did he feel like it was home ? ….his reply

” This will never feel like home, it will always be her house ” 

Sigh ….