Must be the way my mind works that got me thinking through this lock down how many women have found out that their partner is having an affair stumbling across a treasure chest of lies ?
I would think the number is quite high, which will be absolutely catastrophic particularly at a time when we are facing the unknown within our lives. There is no doubt about it that the pain of infidelity cuts deep and the impact that it has on peoples self esteem.
But finding out your partner is cheating during a pandemic must be the worst feeling , i can only imagine. Its such an emotional time, no one can prepare you for the wave of emotions you experience.
It was many years ago when I found out about my then husbands affair, you know the usual signs buying new clothes, coming home late from work , spending weekends “with friends or at the office “, whilst I was at home looking after the children oblivious to what was going on on the periphery, until one day its really weird you get a sixth sense to check. In my case it was the fact that he had been spending a few Saturdays “working”, so one cold January Monday morning I called the company of where he was meant to have been on the Saturday and made out I was his PA and asked if he had left his Sheaffer ballpoint pen there ( no idea how I came up with that excuse ) , even explaining to the receptionist on the end of the phone how his wife had brought it for him for their 10th wedding anniversary and it would be great if she could just go and take a look in the meeting room. I remember catching my breath as she said ” I’m sorry I cannot help you as we have no meeting rooms available at the weekends and Mr ….. has not been to these offices for sometime” and with that the phone went dead, I don’t remember if it was I who hung up but I do remember that burning sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and wanting to throw up. Instinctively you know they have been lying to you, and deep inside you don’t want to know the truth and there must be some rational to this. And then as you search for more proof you find the missing pieces to the puzzle and eventually face the reality and in my case the enormity of the deceit.
Today the majority of people find out about the affair through mobile phones / laptops, a hunch , its easier than ever to cheat with lots of availability dating apps etc, recycling Exes, and yet still the majority of people start affairs with people that they work with. (And I totally accept that women cheat too, but for the purpose of this blog this is for women ) .
Having spent hours coaching women over the age of 50 one of the biggest fears are the days of ” I cant believe i’m alone right now ? after X years of marriage this was not my life’s plan , like how is this my life ?
That’s a natural fear, they feel like they wasted years of their lives to a man that didn’t appreciate them , always doing what everyone needed to end up alone , raising the children looking after the home they feel discarded like it was all a waste of time. They never pictured at their age they would end up alone. Friends are supportive , and some are just not that interested and fall off the earth, so it can be a lonely place.
So if you stumble upon this blog and going through this right now, a word of encouragement regardless of how you are feeling right now, you will get through the pain and learn to enjoy the solitude, and I know we are all going through the most challenging times of our lives right now with the global pandemic, let this be a time where you begin to find yourself again and identify with your self worth through all you have accomplished over the years. Dig down deep for your courage as you face the coming days , divorce is a great time for finding or renewing old passions , writing, sewing , singing whatever it may be , it will invigorate you.
I know during this crisis everyone of us are having good and bad days, where fear takes over and going through a personal crisis on top of these days must be hard and its OK to cry and feel mystified as to why this is happening to you, just hold on, and keep telling yourself that you will get through it, and you will.
“Tiny steps always lead to great things “
Keep looking up ladies !
If you are struggling with the after affects of betrayal and just need someone to talk to , contact me here