Casting your net wide in search for the perfect partner ? How do you find a good one ? Particularly if you are starting out after divorce. It’s a calamity if you start this process during divorce, your emotional intelligence will not be configured in finding a compatible partner, it will just be a transitional relationship.
Nothing wrong with that if you are just looking for a bit of fun someone to spend some time with, without all the emotional attachments that relationships bring. But if you are looking for a life partner you have to be 100% ready.
Most that have been let down in relationships don’t trust their own judgement in picking the right one, usually going through the same setbacks , choosing the same “type” only to be disappointed.
Gaining awareness on the type of person that you have chosen in the past will help identify where you are going wrong. The problem with online dating people get ” hooked” up too quickly, going on a couple of dates does not make someone “compatible” , having conversations about exclusivity and long term plans after a few dates is a real indication of loneliness and a desperate attempt at seeking solutions to combat loneliness. Falling for someone too quickly has huge implications and puts an enormous strain on the person that will feel trapped and obligated for the relationship to go somewhere.
What feels right for you, may not feel right for someone else, When you are going through a divorce you will be in a different kind of reality, life as you once knew it , is no more, so you will be living a kind of fantasy life with all the upheaval that it brings.
If you have been betrayed your aim will be for validation and for someone to make you feel attractive and wanted. Online dating can be perfect for the ego boost, it can also actually make you feel worse, that net is wide and cast with 100’s of various different types of people, you have to be equipped to start dating, and you certainly have to be ready for a vast amount of rejection along the way.
People that are not ready to invest emotionally ( those going through divorce , or relationship collapse , are the worst offenders of not identifying your needs and will only be concerned with what is going on around them), and can easily get swept away in the romance of it all, particularly those that have come out of a long marriage. The red flags are there , someone that rushes the process will be an emotional time bomb. Getting to know someone takes time, slowing down this process will have great benefits in the long term.
Some people get hooked with the adrenaline rush that meeting someone new creates, they get hooked on the highs of those first meetings and flirtatious text messaging, and become uninterested once the first phase is over.
There is no doubt about it, relationships are complicated business , that net will drag in some interesting characters , if you are vulnerable I would avoid online dating completely, Let’s face it we are all searching for an imaginary life where we believe our Mr or Mrs Right is out there somewhere and if you cast your net wide enough will you find them ? Or will those slippery suckers fall through the net ?
The sad truth is this, that net gets bigger and wider, it’s incestuous, the temptation to explore is sometimes just too much for many, so they continue they’re search looking for something better, reeling in their catch then throwing them back in, the murky waters get deep for many.
When you know yourself and have a clear understanding of what you are looking for in a life partner you won’t tolerate the sharks, the time wasters and those unable to emotionally connect that have the next please mentality.
You must also respect people’s relationships, there’s so many fish in the sea, don’t try and mess with the one’s that are already caught. Don’t get hooked up with someone that does not feel the same as you regarding loyalty and compatibility and goal setting, because the more you love them, the more they can hurt you ……