When your partner is no longer in your life , its so important to establish some boundaries, it takes a while to train your mind to stop wanting to call that person all the time, particularly if you have children you may find yourself wanting to call them if the children are playing up and you start using the phrase ” if you do that again I will your dad/mum ” only to call them & they don’t pick up and you are left feeling flat as you feel they don’t care that you are the one left to pick up all the pieces, and having to deal with the consequences on your own. Its perfectly natural to feel like this, and it can take a while to get into the swing of being a single parent.
Establishing good communication with your Ex is the way forward when you have children, setting scheduled calls & facetime so the children can speak to their parent. Its great for you too as you will get into a routine of using that time to do something that makes you happy.
If you don’t have children , or they are grown up, then it will be easier for you let go and establish a new routine, so rather than ringing your Ex for the slightest thing because you are used to the constant contact you will start to train your mind to be independent from them ( as hard as that is ). When we are part of a couple we are often ” in sync ” , and sometimes “telepathic”. It can be so hard to detach emotionally, but we have to. That feeling of anxiousness will eventually subside.
How to create new habits
Realize the triggers that force you to want to call your EX, are they emotional ? , is it because you are feeling lonely so you reach out to get comfort and familiarity ?
Is it financial ? , has the gas bill arrived and you are struggling to manage and you feel angry and want to put the blame on them for the financial implications and burdens you have now ?
There are so many reasons that you could be tempted to call them , but try not too. Instead start to create new habits.
Remember who you were before you met, remember the hopes and dreams that you had for your future ? start to remember these passions, hobbies and interests that you had before ? start doing them.
Self Care is so important when you are going through relationship collapse, finding the time to relax is imperative. Reading is relaxing so do more of that too, There are some fantastic self help books & personal development books on the market , please drop me an email if you would like any recommendations ..
Listening to podcasts too will help you soon realize that you are not on your own.