As we go through life, changes are inevitable, Divorce is an ending because it signal’s that something familiar, a role, a way of living, a relationship, has come to an end. In a culture like ours that sees time as a straight line moving from past to future, these changes seem final, the end of the road with nowhere to go !
Endings can come with despair, grief, and a sense that a future is impossible, how many times have you changed a situation like your work , or moved house these are all new beginnings , to move onto something new, and end of something to make way for the new ! I wish people would look at divorce the same way.
Its hard to move forward when you feel lost and struggling to cope with the emotional highs and lows of divorce, particularly if you have an EX who likes playing with your emotions. That they can do so easily as they know your trigger points ! . Whilst divorcing its like a huge power struggle , a tug of war of who is going to win the race , get the best outcome and walk away valiant !. And of course when its all over and you look back you will see that no one really wins in divorce at all, as the Ego’s win, they rise valiant in all battles of the heart because its the ego that has to win at any cost. If only people could Divorce a little more “mindfully” walk away and think about the consequences of their words and actions. This is so much easier said than done !
I remember when I was going through my divorce we was at the stage of sharing out the “materialistic stuff”, as I gathered up a cardboard box and placed it on the kitchen table I eyed a china platter that i always used for dinner parties, BBQs etc , I guess it held fond memories of happier times, I was keen to take this to my new place. He walked in at the exact moment I was carefully wrapping it with bubble wrap ! Well the argument got explosive ! all over a platter ! that incidentally I had to stop myself smashing it over his head !
I guess its those moments of irrational behaviour you realise that the Ego is playing a huge role in divorce. If only at that moment had I thought, we are arguing over a platter , and stepped back & walked away !
We can all look back and wish things were different if we had dealt with things differently would they have had a better outcome ? , possibly ,who knows. None of us can change the past, its the future that we have to focus on. And I realise that a lot of people are struggling right now, maybe not with relationship collapse but anxiety or stress . Lets take some time out of our day to really focus on ourselves.
Just for today focus on the present.
When you catch yourself feeling stressed because you are either imagining a future that might not happen ( worrying ), or remembering something from your past, let it GO, and come back to the present moment . When you do this, you will notice that your energy starts to feel calmer as soon as you let those thoughts go
Unpack all the negative thoughts today