I write a lot about the journey of divorce, relationship collapse and loss, and how easy it is to get tied up with the mundane emotional carnage that it creates. Somehow the fog of all those emotions can and does make people do some stupid things. Those that rush into the solicitors filing for divorce as soon as their ex has moved out, those that rush to find a replacement so quickly , and those that seek justice, revenge and tear each other apart.
Firstly, take absolutely no notice of what anyone says to you, the advice people love to give comes from their experience, and as we know every single relationship is different. You could fill a room up with lots of people and each story will be different, it is only the final chapters that are the same, an ending of a relationship.
Why do I tell people to wait ? I encourage people to take some time out, to really understand what they want, and more importantly get to know themselves again. When we are part of a couple we lose some of our own Identity, we forget what once had our hearts racing, and our hands clapping and minds creating. We get so engrossed in each other , children, work , and family that we lose ourselves. And so here lies the secret to success , learning to be alone and to create a wonderful life will in turn lay the foundations for things to keep on getting better. If you rely on someone else to make you happy this will be a co-dependent relationship.
Hence why when people break up from a co dependant relationship they struggle the most, unfortunately, unless they break those ties, they will never face the true feelings of detachment, of letting go, And will have problems connecting emotionally with another.
Divorce is a journey of self discovery, be selective on who you let in, it’s quite natural to lose friendships at this time, and to learn who your true friends are.
Self care is paramount and you do this by setting boundaries, and eating and sleeping well, and being less critical on yourself. That self talk that will have you questioning every aspect of the failed relationship, blaming yourself, finding yourself before you look for someone else is the only way to be successful the next time around. Rushing this process will just lead to more disappointments.
There is absolutely nothing to fear about this journey, or of being alone, and if you are struggling with letting someone go after infidelity, remember a relationship will only work, when there are only two people in it, don’t stay around too long waiting for someone to realise your worth, take everyone that are loving and kind to you on this journey, and disembark the rest….